What does your NSFW art mean to you?

We’re all at different parts of our journey: you might be a new spicy artist (in which case, come join the NSFW Artists Guild!), or maybe you’re a seasoned veteran. Wherever you’re at, your relationship with your art can mean many things to you—and that affects who you might want to share it with.

For example, when I was three years into my NSFW art journey, I felt guilty about hiding it from my mum. I ended up making a powerpoint presentation to show her some of my NSFW artworks (and share the fact that I swore a lot. Might as well get all the sin out!)

It’s funny looking back, but I wanted to unearth my relationship with my art, which was starting to feel like a part of my identity as I began to freelance. While porn and sex wasn’t something my family talked about back then, I knew my mum would be accepting of what I did. It was largely my anxiety and fear of her perception holding me back from sharing that side of me.

Want to share your thoughts and experiences on sharing your NSFW work? Send me a note at hbeats.art@gmail.com, or comment below!

A Gauge for Sharing

When it comes to sharing my NSFW art, I’ve always guided my choice with the vibe. Is the person I’m sharing with likely familiar with NSFW culture? Do they watch anime or play gatcha games like Azur Lane and Genshin Impact? Are they comfortable talking about sexual topics, or do they react negatively whenever something spicy comes up?

When you want to tell someone but you’re afraid of a negative reaction, consider things from their perspective: this person you thought you knew comes up and tells you they’ve been doing this unexpected thing for years. Your image of that person shatters—which can be a big surprise! With how tricky sexuality is for some people, a ‘negative’ reaction can simply be an ignorant comment in the moment, and they might not mean to hurt you. Be aware of this as you share, as we can be primed to look for the negative. After all, it’s scary to share such a personal thing!

On the flip side, sometimes I’m surprised when someone I thought wasn’t into NSFW actually was. When I asked my branding professor if I could use the class project as a chance to brand my NSFW sketches, he was hyped on the idea. As he flipped through my red pencil drawings, he clapped my back and said “this is so cool, man!”

With how commonplace porn is, most people won’t care too much when they hear that you create NSFW. That said, if someone reacts negatively, it’s not your place to change their mind either. Anyone who thinks you’re “dirty” or “sinful” is simply reflecting their beliefs on you. That was a lesson I learned as I became more secure with time and experience. It hurts, but you’re better off finding people who will build you up instead of tearing you down because they’re afraid to confront something unfamiliar.

NSFW as a Personality

Five years into my NSFW art journey, I was a sophomore in art school and thinking about my career. Did I want to incorporate NSFW into my personal brand? Was I jeopardizing my career by being too open? At this point, my close friends knew I drew NSFW, but it had become such a big part of my life that I wanted to be more open about it. So, I made a big post to my personal instagram sharing my passion for NSFW. There was a good mix of support and “I don’t get it, but you do you”, with literally no negative backlash. A few days later, I deleted the post, deciding I wanted to minimize (without denying) the connection between my SFW and NSFW work.

My best friend continues to argue that I should share my art when I apply to professional jobs, saying “it’s a skill, why wouldn’t you want to share it?” However, I believe sexuality and NSFW are charged topics—it would be naive to say there are no social consequences to sharing NSFW work within a SFW setting.

Of course, it’s been a journey. Four years ago, I wrote about coming out as an NSFW artist. I’m shaking my head at the quality of my writing, but also fascinated by how much has changed: “…That’s why I can’t just accept myself. I won’t be able to respect myself as an NSFW artist unless I fulfill the expectations I have for myself, and the expectations of outsiders that align with my values.” I definitely don’t feel that way now!

Since then, eleven years into my art journey, I’m comfortable sharing my NSFW, but feel no need to force it. I’ve had people gape in awe seeing my work, and others wince and point out the oversized proportions. I talk to family about it enthusiastically, and others I don’t go into detail with. I have professional mentors who cheer me on, and others who I believe would judge me for it.

Now, I’m more interested in people’s relationship with NSFW creativity. How do we incorporate it healthily into our lives? How do we work with partners who don’t like what we create? How does NSFW impact our expectations and fantasies? I find this area of sexuality fascinating, and I hope you’re excited to explore these questions with me as I develop BtwnB (this article is one such exploration!)

Authenticity vs Oversharing

Often we think of authenticity as a virtue, but there can be a tinge of selfishness to opening up. We might forget to consider the other person’s perspective, just as much as they can forget ours. In fairness, thinking of the other person’s perspective is a skill that we aren’t taught. Before you share, ask yourself if you’re doing it to authentically connect with this person. If you know they’ve had negative experiences in the past, or if it’s not something they enjoy, you might want to reconsider sharing.

This is the grey area between being authentic and being overbearing. When I was talking to my best friend about sharing, she said she had never thought I was creepy (a perk of social anxiety is I overthink personal space and boundaries!) Despite good intentions, we can get into creepy territory pretty easily when we ignore how the other person feels about NSFW. This video from Dr. K covers it well.

Before sharing, it can also help to think of the best outcome, and what you want to accomplish by opening up. Maybe you want to improve your sex life by bringing hentai & porn into the bedroom with a partner who isn’t familiar with what you do. Perhaps you’d only want a relationship with someone who’s open to your art. Maybe you just don’t like hiding things from good friends! Knowing the goal helps you craft how and what you share, rather than dumping everything on the other person.

For example, when I first started opening up about my art, I told my crush. I felt weird hiding it from someone I was interested in. However, when I told her, she instantly turned cold and would only answer with mhm’s and ah’s. Due to my inexperience, I decided to go ahead with the relationship, even if NSFW was a big part of my life. “I’ll just not show that side of myself” I thought, depressed.

If I were in that situation now, I wouldn’t continue seeking a relationship. It sucks, but NSFW and sexuality is important to me, and acknowledging that is better for the long-term. Since then, I’ve had partners who were totally into it and wanted to know that side of me.

Got a question or thoughts about sharing your NSFW with friends and family? Send us a note so we can talk about and learn from each others experiences.

The Outcome Is Out of Your Control

Yesterday, I told another person I was an NSFW artist. I had only talked to him online five times, but I got the sense that he was open.

I wasn’t nervous anymore—after all, I’ve told plenty of people. However, I did know there was always a risk that it could affect the friendship. What if he had grown up in a household that discouraged explicit material? Or if he struggled with porn addiction in the past?

But nah, he was chill with it and asked if he could see my blog.

That’s the thing, there can be so many reason for people to not be ok with what you do: no matter if you’re good friends, or have gone through difficult times together, or think you’ve gauged them well. They have their own experiences, thoughts, and beliefs—and you can’t change how they’ll react to what you tell them.

Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many stories of artists who know that a loved one won’t take their sexual creativity well. My heart breaks for you, to have to hide that side of yourself. Either way, you’ve done your part.

Breaking the Cycle of Silence

As I got comfortable sharing my NSFW, people started becoming comfortable sharing their own vulnerabilities. Just this morning, I told my mum about my interest in writing BtwnB. When she asked to read, I felt the familiar feeling of anxiety—a tightness in my chest—but knew it was just my knee-jerk reaction. The fear is familiar, but outdated.

After I shared my article about quitting porn, my mum in turn opened up. I didn’t expect her to, and it was unfamiliar, but much appreciated. With that small moment of breaking through—of sharing feelings and emotions—our relationship blossomed.

It feels a bit silly to talk about love & relationships in the context of tiddy art, but I’ve always enjoy how NSFW artists face a sort of double-whammy of vulnerability. Sexuality and creativity are such personal topics, and that makes them all the more fun to explore.

When you take the steps to break the cycle of silence, to share your emotions and feelings, you serve as a positive example to others. You show that they can be open too.